women call it stalking

Sorry we're a bit late this morning, comrades, we've got a VIP coming to the constituency this evening and it's all been rather hectic.

• How do you go to economic zero to hero if you're a beleaguered Governor of the Bank of England? That's right, throw tradition to the wind and come over all, "yeah, like, the Gord's plans for further stimulus SMELL OF POO, mmkay?" just at the point at which the PM's in Yankland attempting to build a global economic consensus. Well done, Mervyn King, for realising that there's going to be an election next year and there may be bottoms of a different hue to kiss: ten points for ass-covering, zero points for subtlety;

• An amendment to the Coroners and Justice Bill supported Rowan Atkinson, a bunch of actors, and a selection of MPs who should know better based on the misrepresentation that there is no difference between "cracking a gag" and "inciting  a pitchfork wielding mob to homophobic violence" is defeated in the House of Commons (Today in Parliament is worth a listen on this one);
• More Obamarama: Will Straw (who has a very important dad, I understand) and some other bloke (who doesn't) have written pamphlet explaining how TEH INTERNETZ is going to win for the comrades like it won for St Barack. Yeah! You go, boys! Adrian Prandle of the Fabians airs his concerns here;
• The SNP's Angus MacNeill wants to "work from home" as the euphemism goes;
• ... and Anton Vowl explains how Fox News loves women so much, they are prepared to stand outside their houses for hours on end whilst licking a knife and harrassing them on the street to prove it.

So, Cameron announces that the Tories are set to leave the European People's Party (EPP) in order to garner some cheap anti-European headlines ... I mean provide real opposition to the Brussels bureaucracy. Presumably he'll worry about the headlines generated by some of the more, uh, fruity thoughts on race on the part of their potential partners in the Shiny New Group at a later date.

In the wake of Conservative MEP Christopher Beazley resolutely refusing to toe the party line on this one and annoucing that he'll both stand down at the next election and apply for full membership of the EPP, it emerges that prodigal Shadow Cabinet Minister Ken Clarke was formerly wholly against Cameron's stance on this issue (via the Guardian):

"A lot will depend on relations with Europe, because Obama doesn't want his strongest European ally led by a right wing nationalist, he wants them to be a key player inside Europe and he'll start looking at whoever is in Germany or France if we start being isolationist."

Blimey.

Obviously this was all said before he got the gig as Lord Mandelson's Foil in Another Place (what was the point of that one?) and now you can't get a cigarette paper between them on any issue. Really.

But maybe Ken has a point about whether they will wear this in Washington?

At the very least it's worth considering whether America's first black President will be entirely happy chatting with a Conservative leader whose party is in an alliance with the Polish Law and Justice Party (said to be supportive of his plans), one of whose MPs said that Obama's election marked "the end of white man's civilisation."

Just a thought.

• Kevin Maguire has the gen on who Cameron's new European buds are going to be now he's, like, so TOTALLY over the EPP. Apparently these include chaps from East European fringe groups, some of whom are on the record stating that that St Obama's election was "the end of white man's civilisation". They certainly wouldn't buy THAT sort of rubbish in Bullingdon;
• Peter Hitchens has some refreshing good old Victorian common sense for us on raped women: DRUNKEN SLAGS! Read the Daily Quail and Liberal Conspiracy for more;
• David Hughes of the Telegraph explains the roots of the longest running ho-down in British politics, the Scargill-Kinnock saga;
• Tim ups the ante on journalist Paula Murray after her disgraceful piece on the Dunblane survivors. Actually, your correspondent is a little uncomfortable with Mr Bloggerheads' latest offering, but then I guess that's the idea?
• ... and Tom Harris whips out his pipe, dons a beard, starts knitting himself some muesli, and contemplates minimum pricing for the booze.

• Come the revolution, the moneyed classes will be among the first against the wall. Your correspondent is tempted to put in a good word for private equity boss Guy Hands for doing the decent thing giving up his bonus.
• Not even the smug bank (HSBC) is immune from the cash shortage, it's asked it's shareholders for a large wadge of cash, Chief Exec Michael Geoghegan has also waived his bonus this year, quite right too given the naughtiness of their consumer finance division.

• Internationally, Australia seem to be doing a reasonable job of riding out the financial storm, the Ukraine looks like it's in trouble. An EU summit at the weekend seems to have accomplished very little. Developing nations also look like they'll need to batten down the hatches. In the US problems abound with insurance giant AIG.
• At Common Endeavour we very much like President Obama, so we're pleased that talks with our own dear leader went well with lots of common ground. Let's hope the rhetoric leads on to some good sensible policy making.
• The Bank of England has cut rates to 0.5%, and announced a £75bn package of quantitative easing. Feel free to me in a collective groan as the ZanuLab pun receives a new lease of life.
• The FTSE continued to slide and remains in the doldrums, the pound despite the interest rate cut and talk of QE .

And finally, spare a thought for your poor correspondent who when trawling the finance blogs stumbled upon this piece that can onlt be described as Ye Liveliest Awfulness.

• The disappointment of the meedja that Obama wanted to meet with the Gord at all finds its natural outlet as the assembled press corps take to bitchin' on their blogs. Ladies, ladies, please! What happened to decorum on state visits, huh? Cameron's favourite cheerleader sees conspiracy (natch) against all the available evidence, Sam Coates - perhaps inadvertantly - skewers the salivating, whilst Hopi has a handy cut-out-and-keep guide to how reporting of such events work;
• Fears grow that the Office for National Statistics has gone all Electoral Commission on our asses;
• ... and who wants to attend an entirely impartial event asking how liberal the Labour Party is (we suspect this is about the rights of Porter-warriors in the commuter belt not to be bothered by speed cameras, rather than the abolition of Section 28, civil partnerships, the HFE Bill and the introduction of rights for lesbian couples to have IVF and put themselves down as the parents on the birth certificate, and all that stuff), with the modern day incarnation of Ramsay MacDonald as the guest of honour? Hmmm. If anyone else wants to join me in removing both my nipples with a rusty spoon instead, you'll be very welcome.

• The Gord heads stateside to meet with St Barack;
• John Mann on LabourList explores the latest twists and turns in the ongoing saga that is Fred the Shred's pension entitlement (via Chris Paul);
• Don Paskini has two examples of Proper Labour;
• Conor's Commentary asks why a pad in a leafy suburb right next to a desirable school's gates is a fairer determinant of whether the child contained therein should get in than, well, a lottery;
• The ComRes poll for the Independent has us a mere 16 points behind the Bullingdon Massif. A mere 16 points!
• ... and the Daily Quail reports on the worrying news that red wine both causes and cures cancer. Dangerous times, comrades, dangerous times.

• Let's start out with a little banker bashing, first focus of our ire is former RBS chief Sir Fred Goodwin. Fred the shred, ruthless costcutter failed to live up to his reputation when it came to private jets, global ambassadors or his own pension pot. Target number two is Sir James Crosby, the useless man from HBOS. National Express is considering him as their new Chairman, your correspondent despairs at the state of modern capitalism.

• Internationally, it's not looking good in a lot of places Russia has problems and looks like it might be defaulting on it's debts. Japan is bad, China has it's own problems too, the nationans of Asia also seem to be putting a $120bn war chest together to fight off the speculating hordes.
• Closer to home the EU is asking the IMF for more cash to help out Eastern Europe, Ireland's banking system has been bailed out but isn't out of the woods yet. This chap reckons that the lack of a unified debt market could leave the Euro open to sinister manipulations by China.
• There is a god, and his name is Barack Obama.
• The mystery vehicle manufacturer turned out to be van maker LDV, a little light shone on the situation revealed a connection to none other than Russian Oligarch Oleg Deripaska. From the looks of things no loan is forthcoming so LDV looks to be another remnant British Leyland consigned to the history books.
• 100% mortgages also appear to be headed for the history books, the words "stable door","horse" and "bolted" come to mind. In other mortgage new Northern Rock appears to be reviving it's mortgage lending and Lloyds also appears to have made a pledge on lending, all good although your correspondent still reckons houses are overpriced.
• Downwards has been the direction of FTSE, the Dow also hit a twelve year low, pound is slightly down on last week.

And finally, since Sadie was otherwise indisposed this morning, let me wish a Happy Birthday to the blog of Sandwell Labour Councillor Bob Piper.

• Mandelson denies charges he's got the Royal Mail pension fund chained up in the back;
• Tom Harris fears being beaten around the head with a copy of Erskine May by the whips' office after accidentally forcing a vote on Susan Kramer's Ten Minute Rule Bill on Heathrow yesterday. Smooth work, Tom!
• Alex Salmond compares himself with Barack Obama. Why so modest, Alex?
• Harriet Harman continues to be a busy little bee;
• The sisterhood and Gail Trimble (all hail!) finds an unlikely ally in the form of Allison Pearson and, slightly more convincingly, in Tim;
• ... and spEak You're bRanes on roaring form over the BBC Have Your Say debate about the increased profits of fast food outlets.