Common Endeavour » Henry Porter

Morning roundup, Thursday 12th March 2009

Sadie Smith — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 10:17:03 +0000

Shred Fred's knighthood, says Martin Salter MP;
Child protection services aren't up to scratch, claims Lord Laming. Still, over-worked social workers make such lovely media scapegoats to the extent that when some murderous scroate kills his/her toddler, the media only vaguely hint at the perpetrators' guilt, leaving everyone with the distinct impression that children's services operate a Pied Piper policy on protecting our young. Of course, laws could be passed to make information sharing on vulnerable kids easier and help social workers do a difficult job in slightly easier circumstances, but then the Porter-warriors in the commuter belt would screech something about Nazi Germany until the plaintive cries of those with a proper job involving protecting children are totally drowned out in a slurry of Chakrabarti bullshit. Rant over;

Tom Harris comments on the Militant Atheists ongoing campaign to ensure they win the Sanctimony Hat 2009;
Tim Ireland has the latest on the "journalist" Paula Murray's scoop on the Facebook pages of the Dunblane survivors;
... and Donal Blaney reports on the latest "no" to Europe campaign which seems to be saying that if we sink deeper into the EU, then lots of hotties will start taking their clothes off. Kewl. Where do I sign?

Morning roundup, Wednesday 4th March 2009

Sadie Smith — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 09:41:17 +0000

On the fourth day of March, my true love gave to me: a bunch of Tories a-leaking spinning, Jon "I have only one tone of voice - APPALLED OUTRAGE!" Craig a-butt kissing, and a Conservative MP with surprisingly progressive views on state-provided childcare when it relates soley and exclusively to Conservative MPs. Anyone fancy working on a musical score? More on this later;

The disappointment of the meedja that Obama wanted to meet with the Gord at all finds its natural outlet as the assembled press corps take to bitchin' on their blogs. Ladies, ladies, please! What happened to decorum on state visits, huh? Cameron's favourite cheerleader sees conspiracy (natch) against all the available evidence, Sam Coates - perhaps inadvertantly - skewers the salivating, whilst Hopi has a handy cut-out-and-keep guide to how reporting of such events work;
Fears grow that the Office for National Statistics has gone all Electoral Commission on our asses;
... and who wants to attend an entirely impartial event asking how liberal the Labour Party is (we suspect this is about the rights of Porter-warriors in the commuter belt not to be bothered by speed cameras, rather than the abolition of Section 28, civil partnerships, the HFE Bill and the introduction of rights for lesbian couples to have IVF and put themselves down as the parents on the birth certificate, and all that stuff), with the modern day incarnation of Ramsay MacDonald as the guest of honour? Hmmm. If anyone else wants to join me in removing both my nipples with a rusty spoon instead, you'll be very welcome.

Morning roundup, Monday 2nd March 2009

Sadie Smith — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 09:12:09 +0000

HSBC, the bank at which your correspondent's overdraft is stabled, asks for shareholder bailout of £12.5bn;
The Iranian TV network has uncovered the horrific truth behind Harry Potter (hint: it involves DA JOOZ!);
Oh dear. You might remember Daniel Kawcyznski as the doughty defender of bovine freedoms, as well as a very tall warning against believing all that guff that the Tories are coming out with about agreeing with Shami Chakrabarti, holding hands with Liberal Democrats, knitting protest banners out of ethically sourced wattle and daub, and singing "Imagine" late into the night. It would appear that he's also engaging in another ancient rite: blaming the unpaid staff. Now THAT'S class;

Tom Harris wonders whether Clare Short has been on Extreme Makeover: Iraq War Edition;
At the conclusion of the Convention on Henry Porter, the great man himself explains why it's so important to protect the middle classes in the commuter belt from the evil decisions made by those elected by the hoi polloi. Quite right too: the ability for the rich to do whatever the hell they like irrespective of the laws that govern the rest of us is the principle on which the Magna Carta was drafted;
The right of over-rated authors to churn out any old crap for the Sundays and get paid handsomely for it is one of this country's most ancient liberties, as the continuation of Porter Central in the Observer all too readily attests;
And for no other reason than because I'm rather pleased with it, here is my W4MP alt.guide entitled He's Just Not That Into You. It's about politics, honest.

Why did the Times remove Phillip Pullman’s article?

Andreas Paterson — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 20:37:01 +0000

Apparently, an article on Liberty by Phillip Pullman was removed mysteriously from the Times website. Some seem to suspect some kind of sinister motive? I reckon that's very much the case, for there are some things that mankind was not meant to know. In this case it's the truly terrifying knowledge that there exist writings that can be described as "sub-Henry Porter". Edit: Article has now reappeared

No, I’M Henry Porter … And So Is My Wife

Olly Onions — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 18:44:54 +0000

Henry's glorious day draws ever nearer.

Irregular Verb of the Day brought to you by the Convention on Modern Liberty

Sadie Smith — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 11:24:46 +0000

I am Henry Porter*;

You are an imperfect being, who has occasionally made mistakes such as accidentally voting for 28-day detention and quite liking the sound of bringing back the death penalty, but have noble aims nonetheless;

He is a ZANULIARBORE HATER OF THE LIBERTIES WE'VE ENOJYED SINCE THE MAGNERCARTER WHO IS MORE AUTHORITARIAN THAN HITLER AND STALIN ROLLED INTO ONE!!!!1!!!! LOLZ!

* AKA Spartacus. Only sexier.

Refugees flock to Guardian’s Liberty Central

Olly Onions — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 16:16:11 +0000

Thousands of persecuted contributors to the Guardian's Comment Is Free have set up a make-shift refugee camp outside the newspaper's offices in north London. Sheltering in tents and impromptu wooden structures at the camp known as 'Liberty Central,' the refugees are seeking out a mysterious prophet known to some as Po' Rterhe Nry and to others as He' Nrypo Rter. Refugees relate how they have heard people speak of this semi-mythical figure in illegal coffee shops of Hampstead and the underground drinking houses of Islington. "I have brought my family here from far, far away," says one refugee, pointing, "From beyond Muswell Hill. We have been forced to flee our homes because of serious concerns over data protection," he says in hushed tones. "Where else can we go?" Another adds: "The corrupt totalitarian apparatchik control freaks of nu-Labour forced us here. This is worse than the old East Germany. I heard they are collecting our DNA so they can clone us and line their own pockets with the profits." Later in the day a rumour sweeps the camp that the prophet Po' Rterhe Nry is to appear and release them from their oppressors in just a few days. But then an awful realisation takes hold. As one refugee puts it: "Smith's bootboys will never let him speak. Never in a million years."

Morning roundup, Thursday 12th February 2009

Sadie Smith — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 10:40:41 +0000

Wikigate continues as the Conservative party unleash an army of bag-carriers onto teh internetz in an untimately doomed attempt to prevent their leader looking like a berk. Ah, the twenty-first century. In a few years the phrase "history is written by CCHQ internet weirds" will pass into common parlance;
No police investigation in the "cash-for-amendments" farago. This has something to do with the Magna Carta and its desire to protect The Posh from having to abide by the same rules as the proles, apparently. As if anyone (or at least anyone who's ever read Henry Porter) could have ever been in any doubt;

Banking chief redefines concept of "modest salary" as the credit crunch claims another victim;
If Jacqui Smith isn't breaking any rules then the rules should be changed to ensure that she is, argues the Telegraph. Of course they do;
... and the Flying Rodent has some suggestions for TV programmes that should be made (funny).