• Paul Sagar at the Liberal Conspiracy on the "brain drain";
• The expenses vote is on today, people. Mike Smithson has concerns for the Gord, whilst Conservative Laurence Robertson outlines his priorities;
• I was alerted - via an audible grinding of teeth coming from the direction of my colleague - to Rod Liddle's latest word salad on TEH EVIL FEMINAZIS;
• ... and well done to Hopi Sen for coining the term "self absorbed  little poncebag" to describe Giles Coren, and RecessMonkey for some truly appalling swine fever gags.

• Signs of ennui at the Telegraph as James Kirkup tries to flog the decomposing horseflesh that is the is-there-going-to-be-a-snap-election non-story;
• Paul Linford examines the 2007 Deputy Leader election, and looks to Labour's future;
• The latest ICM poll for the Guardian reports no change for either the comrades or the Bullingdon massif (30 and 42 points respectively), but Nicky Clegg's lot seem to have gained two points. Must be the haircut;
• Much hilarity from the Standard's Paul Waugh (here and here) over the Labour Party's answer to Charlie Dimmock and Alan Titchmarsh;
• The Daily Mail has some unstated opinions for those mums who selfishly aren't anorexia-ing themselves down to a size zero as soon as they've fired out their contribution to the next generation. Edifying;
• ... and Rachel Sylvester in the Times warns the Tories that real political character comes out under pressure. So be afraid, be very afraid.

• Headline of the day: Arrest in Mandelson Custard Probe. Looks like Auntie's gag department has got some new staff. AND ON YOUR TAXPAYERS' MONEY NO DOUBT!!1!!!!;
• Nick Clegg gets a new haircut;
• Libby Purves on the latest twist in Chatteratigate;
• Thinking of voting at the next election? Check first whether the be-rosetted chap on your doorstep is into hanging, death by stoning, flogging, and birching first, advises Peter Hitchens. Sensible policies ...;
• Don Paskini takes a ride into the weird world of bloggertarians;
• ... and BBC Have Your Sayers reminisce on the miners' strike.

• Nick Clegg (remember him?) has some thoughts on the role of men in a recession which has winsomely coiffed Davy Cameron going all weak at the knees. Get a room, boys;
• Mick Fealty has a different take on the Dale vs Draper Smackdown of Unutterable Tedium, and somebody's trying to get at LabourHome's Alex Hilton;
• Mandelson: "calm down, dear, it's only a recession!";
• The comrades at Frank Owen's Paintbrush on Mini and the plight of agency workers (and their Valentine's special on Ramsay MacDonald is well worth a look. With a moustache like that, it's not surprising he spent most of his time combing women out of it - copyright Blackadder);
• Tom Harris has a lovely singing voice, and you can witness it here as he tunes up for a rendition of Always Look on the Bright Side of Life!;
• The Spectator reckons Harriet Harman's on manoeuvers. Surely not;
• ... and the irrepressible Olly on the horrific conditions at the makeshift refugee camp at the Guardian's Liberty Central. Apparently they've run out of bruschetta and skinny lattes! Somebody call Bob Geldof ...

Ben Brogan and Sam Coates were the first to mock the afflicted this morning when they drew attention to a Sun article about Cameron in which the floppy haired boy wonder was all: "OMG, like William Hague is like SO COOL! He's my new bestest mate EVAH and we text each other all the time, swap clothes and make-up tips and ... " [okay we get the picture - Ed] Speculation that this meant that the Boy George was being replaced as the other dimension in the Conservatives' Axis of Evil presumably had Osborne sobbing into his economic forecasts and lamenting that this damned credit crunch had ever come along to expose holes in the Tories' fiscal strategy.

What with all the talk of big beasts (Ken Clarke) and slightly dinkier ones (Wee Willy) making a comeback, the Gord, not to be outdone, invited Gillian Shephard to head a working group looking at how to get kids from disadvantaged backgrounds interested in politics. Rumours that Nick Clegg is in negotiations with the lass from the Ghost Whisperer over the possibility that Gladstone might come back to conduct an internal review on how the Irish Question could unite the Liberals for the 21st century are said to be unfounded.

With more of a whimper than a bang, PMQs was upon us. There's a liveblog here, but the most notable quotables were:

• Brown's pledge to buy shares in hi-tech companies;
• An apparent refusal to have a vote on the third runway at Heathrow;
• Norman Lamont cited as a keen enthusiast of VAT, cuts which struck us at Common Endeavour as a slightly strange choice for cheerleader given his sterling (geddit?) work over that ERM business, but then again I guess Cameron could have hardly commented on that little episode, could he?

And speaking of Lamont, Lady Shriti Vadera managed to walk into an elephant trap by echoing Lamont's words about "green shoots" of economic recovery which we think deeply unfair on her. Maybe she's just a keen gardener or something. Still, if nothing else has been proven beyond reasonable doubt today it is this: the Normster clearly is to times of economic wibbles what Banquo was to royal dinner parties.

Elsewhere on the blogosphere, Anton Vowl whips out his "Bullshit to English" dictionary out and uses it to translate the Daily Mail's latest frothings about Labour's "attack on the middle classes", Kerry McCarthy MP wonders what the point of the atheist bus campaign is, and the ever-wonderful Hoby has a highly entertaining sketch on the importance that us bloggers place on our online ramblings ... in the face of all the available evidence.

11.55: Okay, we're nearly ready to go, although Andrew Neil hasn't gone over to the Chamber yet so we're being treated to Norman Tebbit's thoughts on immigration - he loves it, apparently (jes' kiddin').

11.59: The image of the rapidly filling Chamber is being reflected in the beam on Brillo's head, and Nick Robinson has just hoved into view so we're merely seconds away, folks. I'm sad to say that I've missed this.

12: And we're off. The Gord, in addition to his usual engagements spiel reveals he's meeting with Sarkozy and Merkel. Bet Merkel doesn't get offered any choccie biccies after her Minister's criticism of Brown's economic package last year. First up is Liz Blackman ... which allows Brown to detail the new economic package to help small businesses.

12.02: Dave shimmers to his feet and - so keen to deliver a bitchslap about "planted questions" and "copied policy" - forgets to honour the sacrifice of fallen soldiers in Afghanistan. Class. Brown roars to his feet and is all, "everyone's copying MY economics homework but no-one wants to copy YOURS because it's written in crayon on plastic chewable pages!"

12:07: Not to be deterred, Cameron makes a gag about photocopiers. To be honest the hilarity of this one passed me by but George Osborne is laughing so hard that Common Endeavour Towers fears that he's going to give himself a hernia. Brown is all: "DO-NOTHING! DO-NOTHING!" and actually every Tory Chancellor back to the days of the Black Death supports his VAT policy.

12.10: Dave's still going on VAT and is accusing Brown of wasting £12.5bn which causes Brown to invoke Norman Lamont's approval *cough* don't mention Black Wednesday *cough*. Dave glistens in, complaining that retail chiefs think it's a bit rubbish and is all "won't someone PLEASE think of the children who are going to inherit this debt!"

12:14: Gord: "I believe that children are the future. Teach them well by investing in schools and SureStart and let them lead the way."

12.16: Apologies to Keith Vaz who I missed due to technical difficulties. Anyway, onwards and downwards to Nick Clegg who rehashes Cameron's copycat gag (no one like's pale imitations, do they Nick? Eh?) and asks the PM to play "hardball" with the banks. This is presumably an economic term which I have previously been unaware of.

12.17: Brown's having none of it and details the pressure he is putting on the backs. Clegg: "you SO aren't." Brown: "so ARE!"

12:19: Jeremy Corbyn, wearing quite the loudest blue blazer seen in the House for many a year, wants Israel done for war crimes. Brown gives a measured response arguing for international co-operation in order to solve the crisis.

12:20: Eric Joyce bowls a soft one regarding the New Opportunities white paper, which allows Brown to indulge in bought of cheerleading for the raft of proposals and sock a nifty one at Cameron for wanting to cut vital services. Go the Gord!

12:22: John Randall, a Conservative, asks whether he plans to have a vote on Heathrow. Brown commits to a planning inquiry and a Ministerial statement (we think that means "no" in common parlance).

12:24: Seriously, if your surname was Bacon, would you spend all your Parliamentary time going on about pork products? Even Brown makes a joke about it in a response about supporting farmers and "compassionate pig meat production" which is either a new policy for DEFRA or the title of a porn film.

12:27: Tom Brake - does anyone else think he look like Andy Burnham? - wants to know whether Brown will support a £140m refurb of a hospital in his local area. From Brake's tone one would be forgiven for thinking that the Government were trying to torch the buidling as opposed to supporting the proposal, but that's Liberal Demmery for you.

12:29: Missed the PQ but Brown answers his questioner swiftly and reminds the House that Cameron's a bit rubbish too boot. Michael Spicer wants to know if there's going to be a general election. Gord: "don't think so, mush!" Spicer: crushed.

12:30: Gregory Campbell DUP makes a hi-LAR-ious joke about Obama wanting to save the world and Brown, according to his wee verbal slip a few weeks before, having already done so. NotFlash has warm words for our incoming President and fails to address Campbell's gibe, presumably much to the latter's disappointment.

12:32: Blogging MP Kerry McCarthy on the environmental industries ... and that's it. Right, that was harder than I remember - I'm off for a cigarette.